Still

Here I am, still in the same old jungle of emotions, which I've had for nearly three months now. I am okay, but parts of me are still missing. I think my limbs are strewn in weird places in the city.

I am okay. I tell myself that over and over again. I do not long for a man who longs for someone else. Now, I see everything he has NOT done for me. I had my fair share of faults, but knowing I gave more than my all, I was absolved. Well, at least in my own selfish thinking, I was. Maybe just a way of forcing myself to heal quickly.

I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.
-greys anatomy

I make no apologies. No apologies for the method I chose to reinvent myself. The way I picked myself up after this great fall was exruciatingly painful, and the least you could do is shut up and let me move on without scrubbing in my face that you now love somebody else.

I still cannot listen to certain songs. I still cannot look at certain pictures. In time, I will get to do that. But for now, I won't. I cannot deny that fact that I am still broken, but in time, you will wonder if I ever was hurt. At all.

peace.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I want to climb mountains.

Getting to the summit may be excruciating, but the overwhelming peace that nature can give you can ease body ache faster than the blink of an eye.

November 22, 2008

I thought I was okay. It has almost been a month and sometimes, I see myself smiling and laughing, but at the very core, I know I'm half empty.

I've been helping myself really. Going out with friends, colleagues, doing activities I haven't done in a million years, but as always, something makes me go back. Maybe it be a news, a dream or just the plain feeling of being lonely. I haven't been this sad for a long time. When I look back at my first real break up years ago, I can't recall how in the world I survived. All I knew was that I had kept myself busy. I've been doing that now but how come to no avail? This emptiness is eating my other side in a slow, excruciating pace. My silence has been my torture.... yet my sanity. This is the right thing.

Thank God for wonderful things called friends.

lost in transition

I'm afraid I don't know how to write anymore. Love or something like it has grabbed me from my dream. That dream to change people's lives with my train of thoughts. I am now an incoherent piece of shit, who can't even make out something sensible in a blog post.