So guys, meet my wallet.

At first, I wasn't really keen on reviving this blog as I was having a hard time thinking of what to post day after day. While I was browsing blogs, I came upon the blog Girl Talk. It has several questions that can induce you to write. So here goes my first post. 

So what's inside my wallet?  First of all, I'm no great lover of wallets. The wallet I'm using now is like five years old and a gift from my ex. LOL. I don't really put that much sentimental value on things, so when we broke up, I took one good look at it and figured it's still useful anyway. So why throw it, right?

So my wallet is pretty much bare except for a passport picture of my soulja boy (LOL. pet name for my real-life soldier boyfriend) and my ancient creative grad pic. Aside from those, my atm cards and the calling cards of my colleagues are also kept here. I don't keep my money in my wallet, but instead, I stash them in my purse. It's because I can easily grope for my purse inside my jungle of a bag and, at the same time, just toss it after I get the money. With this size of a wallet, I need to reorganize everything in my bag again whenever I take it out. Too much hassle. So instead of money, I keep important papers here like receipts. 

So there, my bare wallet for the world to see. LOL

PCOS and Me

It was late last year when I discovered that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). For those alienated, PCOS is  when multiple cysts appear in one or both your ovaries. Due to that fateful circumstance when I had to be hospitalized for stomach pains, my doctor suggested to have my ovaries checked since having ovarian cysts runs in the family (two of my sisters had one of their ovaries taken out). When I was about to have my ultrasound, the doctor in charge took one look at me and my acne and said, "Tingin ko meron ka talaga PCOS." (I think you really have PCOS). Indeed, when the results came, I had tiny shrapnels the size of rice grains in my left ovary. They were about three or four. I was then recommended to take birth control pills.

For months, the pills worked in perfect harmony with my body. My acne has cleared and no more menstrual cramps. However, after reading a lot about PCOS, I got a bit skeptical about my long-term usage of  pills, but at the same time, I want to keep them so my acne flares would be kept at bay. I'm afraid of a second bout with acne. Really, really afraid. The emotional stress and the loss of self esteem that comes with it are intolerable. LOL. (You see, saying that my acne was BAD during those days is underrated). Though I still don't have the perfect skin that I've been longing for until now, at least my face has cleared up a bit.

I read somewhere that there are alternative ways to deal with PCOS - that is, without having to use pills. I would love to try those that's why I have been joining forums and stuff to learn more about my condition. I am well aware that in the near future, PCOS might impede my chances of having healthy babies. But I know I would die trying, exhausting all means possible just so I'll conceive. No worries. There are certainly a lot of ways. I just need to be properly enlightened and educated about this.

Diabetes Scare

For the past few weeks to date, I had been feeling rather light headed, weak and my trips to the bathroom had been nonstop. To dispute the thought that I might be sick, I justified my condition as just lacking sleep or not eating well. However, these days, I'm fulfilling my goal towards pulling up my weight to a healthy average of 115 lbs. That's when I started to worry. I had been eating tons but my weight was dropping! Add to that the fact the I feel so thirsty during evenings. When I told my dad all these symptoms, he said that I might have Diabetes. Great.

Apparently, Diabetes is no distant relative to us. Both my mother side and my father side have their own share of that sugary lineage. So it's a no brainer to assume that I might have inherited it. I will be having a laboratory exam maybe during the weekend to confirm if I have it or not. Best of luck to me!

Meanwhile, for the curious out there, these are some of the symptoms to look out for if you think you're diabetic. I read somewhere that sometimes, it take years for one person to be diagnosed with Diabetes Mellitus or Type 2 Diabetes. So guys, please be wary.

If you are:

1. Peeing like crazy - when the insulin in your blood becomes ineffective due to too much glucose, the kidneys won't be able to filter glucose back to your bloodstream. Your kidneys will keep on trying to dilute what extra glucose you have, drawing more water from your blood and keeping your bladder full. I swear on its frequency. I thought I was having an immaculate conception.

2. Gulping down H20 as often as you could - you feel an unquenchable thirst because of course, if you keep on peeing, your body loses the water, and you just need to refill it.

3. Losing weight or gaining weight without your consent - like I said, I was very anxious to put on some meat, but for some reason, I kept on losing what little fat I have! It has something to do with you being insulin resistant over time. Google it.

4. Feeling weak - Glucose, glucose, glucose. You have tons of it but if your cells are ignoring it, it won't be converted into energy. You would be feeling "no energy, not happy" most of the time.

5. Feeling numbness in your hands/feet - I was spared of this one. Apparently, this is called "neuropathy." It occurs when the glucose level in your bloodstream becomes so high that it starts damaging your nervous system. SCARY SHIT.

So if you guys got four out of five, go to the doctor very quick! Well... even just three...

A trip down memory lane

CRINGE. That's all I can say. I've returned to this old blog of mine just cause, but when I read what I wrote two years ago, I felt a clamor of shame. LOL. Not really because I was a bad writer then or anything like that, but because my emotions have betrayed me then. I was such a kid. Tears and fears strewn all over the Internet.

No doubt, I'm proud of what I've become today. Everything I've endured has taught me to be a bit more resilient over time. I'm no perfect case, I'm still a work in progress, but somehow, my issues have become a tad bit more manageable. Either God has given me lighter difficulties to deal with or maybe I have indeed gulped a bit of maturity within that short span of time. I remembered KC Conception's "An Updated Version of Me." Had it been released then, I would have made it my LSS with consent for months. LOL

Student yet again

I never thought I’d go back to school after graduating three years ago. However, working had taken its toll on me, and I feel as if I had not grown efficient over time. I need new knowledge, new insights. I need something new to drive me out of my box. I guess my thirst for learning has gradually kicked in without me really noticing it until I was in front of PNU’s cashier paying for my tuition fee.

I want a new direction, and I guess this is it. A new option, an alternative career.  May not be high paying but my heart lies in the fact that I’d give anything for every child not to suffer the consequences of being uneducated.

The length of my patience and tolerance may not reach the requirement in becoming an instructor, but certainly, the passion in my heart does.

Still

Here I am, still in the same old jungle of emotions, which I've had for nearly three months now. I am okay, but parts of me are still missing. I think my limbs are strewn in weird places in the city.

I am okay. I tell myself that over and over again. I do not long for a man who longs for someone else. Now, I see everything he has NOT done for me. I had my fair share of faults, but knowing I gave more than my all, I was absolved. Well, at least in my own selfish thinking, I was. Maybe just a way of forcing myself to heal quickly.

I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.
-greys anatomy

I make no apologies. No apologies for the method I chose to reinvent myself. The way I picked myself up after this great fall was exruciatingly painful, and the least you could do is shut up and let me move on without scrubbing in my face that you now love somebody else.

I still cannot listen to certain songs. I still cannot look at certain pictures. In time, I will get to do that. But for now, I won't. I cannot deny that fact that I am still broken, but in time, you will wonder if I ever was hurt. At all.

peace.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I want to climb mountains.

Getting to the summit may be excruciating, but the overwhelming peace that nature can give you can ease body ache faster than the blink of an eye.